Madamoiselle & The Diary #2 ** Still here **

:: C'est Lavie - The Diary ::

Dear Diary,

I can’t sleep. Something bothers me. I tried to close my eyes but I couldn’t settle my mind. That Song! I heard a song. A husky voice singing in me, inside me, repeating itself like a never ending chorus. I tossed and turned, the song just won’t stop. I opened my eyes. The room was dark. But the song still played continuously and my heart started to beat. I felt unease. As I closed my eyes again, flashes of images coming to my mind. I saw him. Standing there, smiling. I grabbed his arms and we started to walk on the cobblestone pavement. It was cold that night so I held on tight. The time was already 12am and we could hear bells ringing in the background of the old town. We didn’t talk, but we smiled the whole way. Smiled because we know we’re happy. Happy for the company of each other, and happy for a story that had just begun. That night, we knew, we fell in love.

I got up from bed, searching for my phone in the dark. What time is it? Oh, 1.30 am. I still can’t sleep. The song didn’t leave me either. It’s still in my head. Why doesn’t it stop? It’s not our song! We never knew this song! God help me. I need to sleep. I lay back on my pillow, thinking, what’s wrong with me? Why do I have flashes of him? Why am I remembering him? I left him. I knew he was not meant for me. I knew this whole relationship was not for us. And I knew, he had always loved me. And I knew I do too. It’s all a mess. I thought separation was the only thing that can make us happy. He thought so too. Why? Why must I fall in love with someone who was so perfect to me but was never meant to be mine!! I didn’t ask him to leave her. Never did. I just want to be part of his life. I’m willing to sacrifice myself in sharing his love, his passion, his concerns, his responsibility, his gentle charm, everything of him but he was just too weak. Too weak to uphold our sincerity. We thought we could get through it. The wedding, it was supposed to happen last year, but was postponed so many times till I can’t wait no more. I’m sorry dad; I couldn’t seem to make you happy. I know you’ve waited for this a long time and I know you liked him. Everyone does. But he’s just not mine. He was hers. And always been hers.

I closed my eyes, tears trickling down my cheek. I knew why I couldn’t sleep tonight. I missed him. I missed him a lot. And the song…… plays in my head. Still!

:: Still here ::

You looked at me and saw what I never could see
You made me feel more than I thought I could ever be
And when I needed a friend you were always there to lift me up
To make me strong
You're not gone

You're still here
With me all the time
You're still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here
Still here in my heart
In my heart

Because of you I knew how it felt to be loved
You made me feel beautiful 'cause you believed I was
And I will never forget how you touched my life
You made me feel like I belong
You live on

You're still here
With me all the time
You're still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here
Still here in my heart
In my heart

All my life
You'll be in my life
You'll be part of me
I'll just think of you and you'll still be
You'll still be here

Still here
You're with me all the time
You'll still be here
Still here
When I close my eyes
I still see you
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here in my heart

You're still...
I still feel you
And we'll never be apart
You're still here in my heart
In my heart
In my heart
In my heart
Still here

** Natasha Bedingfield **