Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Madamoiselle & The Diary #7

:: The Diary C'est La Vie ::

Dear Diary,

I'm not feeling well today. No, I'm not sick. I'm just hurt. Okay, it's more of being disappointed that is. Disappointed of myself, disappointed of him. It's a heartache to know somebody, you thought you knew him too well but you just don't understand him. So predictable yet confusing.

Last night, I could not sleep. I feel terrible. I said something harsh to him. I accused him a liar, half jokingly though. But it seems that he took it badly. He sounded hurt. By why would he, I could not understand. He knows who he is. He knows, he hides truth. And he never admits. Ego? Probably. All I know, I cared about him. Even when he lied. I wish he'd stop. I wish he would just tell the truth. How could he expect anyone to trust him if he trusts no one.

I am in an obvious doubt. I could not tell him. I could not do anything. I could not tell him that his lies would hurt him sooner or later. I don't want him to get hurt. But he would turn the table if i do tell him. He would accuse me for being a pessimist. And I'm not. All I wanted is the truth. All I wanted is an explanation. Everything that happens have a reason. Even God has a reason when He created Adam and Eve. So why can't he ever give any reasons. Why can't he tell so others can understand. Why???

I wish he could be more open. He once said he's afraid of getting hurt. Who doesn't? But being hurt makes you a better person. Nobody can escape from being hurt. I wish he could understand that. I wish he could understand more about life. I wish he knew, there are bigger things in life that could hurt anybody , anytime even if we don't want it to happen. Oh, how it hurts me that I cared about him so much. Am I a fool for ever liking him?

Now, I'm hurt. How can he handle big things when he couldn't handle a small one? Will I ever feel the same about him after this? :(

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